16 irritating things about the Detroit Tigers

I don’t spend a lot of my time complaining about the Detroit Tigers and their current tribulations. In fact, I spend much of my free time reminding those that do complain why everything is going to be ok despite a sloppy 15-15 start to our season of hope.

But, after 30 games of this nonsense, it’s time for me to vent a little.

a young Prince Fielder sporting a Tigers hat, Giants shirt, and Chicago Cubs Zubaz

Here are 16 things that irritate me about the current situation in Motown:

1. Miguel Cabrera pointing to the 1st base umpire to rule on his check swing was funny the first 5 times, amusing the next 20 times, and now it’s just flat out irritating. Stop it. You’re not doing yourself any favors.
2. The team and coaches belly aching over poor umpiring. From Jim Leyland to Justin Verlander on down the line, it is becoming infectious. Alex Avila and Jhonny Peralta are the latest to really buy into it. This reminds me of the last time I cared for the Detroit Pistons. They used to be a hard-working, in your face team, and then they took notice of the refs. Ben Wallace, Rip Hamilton, and Chauncey Billups compromised the entire roster. Tayshaun Prince went from a quiet, get-it-done kind of a player to King Crybaby. And that’s the last time I watched the Pistons, some 5 years ago. I like baseball too much to throw in the towel. Quit crying and play baseball.
3. I hate walks and even if the Tigers are 10th in the AL in walks allowed it’s still too high.
4. I shake my head daily at the fact that the Tigers are 10th out of 14 AL teams in runs scored. Seattle has scored more! Of course, that’s due mainly to them winning the paternity case over who owns the Detroit Tigers.
5. My blood temperature rises rapidly with each swing and miss by Brennan Boesch on a hittable fastball. Dude, they’re fastballs, you are good at hitting fastballs. Hit them!
6. It disturbs me on a deep level that I heard something recently about a Zubaz promotion.
7. I sort of admire that Ryan Raburn has taken to laughing off his wretched start. But I can’t believe we have to do this each and every season with this guy. You’re 10 for 77 (.130) on the season. Find your happy place.
8. If Delmon Young is going to hit .226 then I have no use for him. You are slow, a terrible defender, and you are mean to people on the streets when you’re drunk. Hit soon or else you will make the “you’re dead to me” list.
9. I’ve already written about it, but it’s worth mentioning here: I can’t stand Max Scherzer’s mechanical issues. When will they strike? Nobody knows! Not even Max or the coaches. How long will it take to fix each flaw? Well, nobody knows that either.
10. Speaking of hating walks, if Jose Valverde could just throw a first pitch strike every once in a while he’d be really good again. If he can’t, he is going to kill the Tigers all season long.
11. The Detroit Tigers employ 3 of the top 31 highest paid athletes from any sport in the entire world. They are 15-15. I hate this fact.
12. Phil Coke’s spitting is so annoying it’s almost endearing. It reminds me of Tony Phillips back in the day. Coke’s is more of a dry spit though.
13. It really bothers me that only 2 other AL teams have drawn fewer walks than the Tigers’ offense. 80 walks in 30 games. Take a pitch!
14. The Chicago Cubs’ Bryan LaHair has 2 more hits than Miguel Cabrera in 32 less at-bats. LaHair just poked his head out of the Quadruple A hole for a look-see, Cabrera is the best right-handed hitter in the American League. It’s an anomaly but I still don’t like it.
15. Speaking again of hating walks, I hate that Joaquin Benoit walked 9 batters in April compared to just 11 in all of 2010 and 17 in 2011.
16. We knew the Tigers were chief among MLB’s clodhoppers heading into the season but a major league worst 8 steals in 30 games is almost appalling.

And, just for the record, there isn’t one thing I can think of about Prince Fielder, Duane Below, Drew Smyly or Doug Fister that bothers me in the least.

Things will get better, and now I feel better. Mission accomplished. On to Oakland.

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