New York Jets to go 19-0, bring peace to Gaza

From what certain players have revealed this weekend, it’s clear the New York Jets have a legitimate chance to go 19-0, win the Super Bowl, and end all war in the Middle East this year.

Think about a team that blew past their low expectations in 2013 to get to 8-8 then did nothing but improve their roster all offseason. That team is the New York Jets. Now, several facets of their team have become almost too good to be true.

First, we learned that Geno Smith is about to become a top five quarterback.

Put him in the conversation with Peyton, Brady and Brees.

Put him in the conversation with Peyton, Brady and Brees.

Referring to an ESPN poll of NFL coaches and executives that ranked him as the worst starting QB in the league, Smith declared, “If I’m No. 32, by this time next year or the year after, I expect to be in the top five.” Rex Ryan backed Smith up by saying he expected the same from him.

Yesterday, we learned that Dee Milliner is going to rebound from his shaky rookie season and instantly become the best in the league. (Quoth Milliner: “The best corner in the league? Me.”) We found out from Calvin Pace that New York’s defense will be the best in the league. (“Compared to the rest of the defenses in the NFL? [Expletive], man, we’re the best,” sayeth he.) All of these points imply that a historically great team is currently training in Cortland, N.Y.

As if this wasn’t impressive enough, the news broke this morning that Ryan, general manager John Idzik and, for some reason, Michael Vick have touched down in the Gaza Strip to begin helping Israel and Hamas negotiate a “lasting peace.” Idzik is said to be meeting with U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu this evening.

Sources confirmed that the team will help install a sustainable peace in the region, but plan to return to the States in time for their regular season opener against the Oakland Raiders. However, Ryan has told reporters he “wouldn’t be torn up if [they] had to miss a few preseason games.”


It’s nice to see Rex Ryan and his team talking again. “Nice” in an entertaining way, at least. After the Jets’ humbling 6-10 season in 2012, nobody was ready to make bold statements last summer. Before that, Ryan turned the New York Super Bowl guarantee from a thing of lore only Broadway Joe could touch into an annual training camp tradition.

When wanting to brag or talk smack, it’s hard not to start quantifying things – “top five” quarterback, “best cornerback” in the league. So when so many of these statements flow in at once, it isn’t even “typical old Jets” anymore. It looks more like an 8-8 team acting like they just won the Super Bowl. It’s approaching the dangerous 2011 Philadelphia Eagles “Dream Team” level.

I’m writing this now because I don’t think the Jets’ talking is going to end soon, and I don’t want to write individual articles addressing the next bold statements sure to come. Why? Because it truly is pointless. None of this will matter when the Jets start playing again.

I also wanted to show nonbelievers that Jets fans can have a sense of humor about their own team. I love to have a laugh at my ridiculous favorite team’s expense – I just prefer to do it in July, not in November.

(Serious articles resume later this week.)

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